Apunga: Cleaning...

Bet you thought I was talking about the house -- wrong! I've been cleaning out my e-mail inbox this morning... came across a few things that I forgot all about. They're just too good to simply delete & forget it again, so I'm sharing with one & all.

Bumperstickers:

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
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If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
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The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
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I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
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If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
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Honk If Anything Falls Off.
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Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
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He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
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I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An
Unarmed Person.
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You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
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I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
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Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This,
Please Flip Me Back Over...
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Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does
My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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Ax Me About Ebonics.
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Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
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Boldly Going Nowhere.
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Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
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Honk If You've Never Seen
An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
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How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before
He Admits He is Lost?
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All Men Are Animals;
Some Just Make Better Pets.
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And Lastly:

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators.

POTATO PROSTITUTES

Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One is a prostitute.

How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

Hold on......

You're gonna love it...

It's the one with the little sticker that says...

I - DA - HO