What number would you push?

MENTAL HOSPITAL AUTOMATED PHONE MENU

Hello, and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital . Please select from the following options menu:

• If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
• If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
• If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
• If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay onthe line so we can trace your call.
• If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to theMother Ship.
• If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice willtell you which number to press.
• If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,it won't make you happy anyway.
• If you are dyslexic, press 119.
• If you are bipolar, leave a message before the beep or after the beepor before the beep. Please wait for the beep.
• If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-termmemory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
• If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, our operators are toobusy to talk to just you.
• If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, liedown and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

This really amuses me. In one of my college courses, I had a group assignment in which we presentationed a commercial form of this... I think it was our version of a fun way to help people seek mental health treatment!